Portland's Adopt-A-Bum Program Isn't Working Out As Well As the Mayor Hoped

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By Victoria Taft

I can't imagine how this great idea went down in flames in the wokest of the woke towns: Portland, Ore., U.S.A.

OK, I'm kidding.

For those who read the weekly West Coast, Messed Coast™ update every week, you know how "normal" things are in The Rose City. It's a place where the words "fentanyl fold," "naked men," and "DSA" are all part of the local lexicon. It turns out, however, Portlanders don't want to bring that problem into their own homes. Out there is OK, in here where we share a bathroom ... not so much.

So despite the City of Portland's best efforts to make it sound noble and charitable, nobody needed Babe Ruth-esque shot-calling to know that Portland's Adopt-a-Bum program wasn't going to work out. Yes, even in Portland. 

Portlanders know too much now. They see it all around them. "Homeless" people aren't necessarily homeless. They're addicts who don't want to go home or to a shelter because there are rules there. 

Mayor Keith Wilson had good intentions when he announced last February that Portland homeowners who offered a spare bedroom for rent for $200 or less per week making them eligible for a $1,000 spiff, would go a long way toward helping the "homeless," but as we all know, inviting in a crackhead who has the sensitivities of an alley cat wasn't going to work out. 

Wilson said if Portlanders would squint really hard and look at the horizon at Golden Hour, they could see, "one of the fastest and most cost-effective ways we’ve ever provided housing to Portlanders," according to Willamette Week. 

But Golden Hour lied.

Oregon Catalyst noted that, "Since its launch in February, only five homeowners in Portland have offered to rent rooms for $200 or less per week under Mayor Keith Wilson’s pilot program designed to reduce homelessness and increase affordable housing in the city. [emphasis added]"

Portland paying the rents of homeless people isn't all it's cracked up to be. It turns out that when crack/fentanyl/meth addicts don't want to get help, they'll stay on the streets rather than go inside and not be crazy in someone else's house. 

Nobody said anything about being a nursemaid or EMT in your own home for the new guy or gal staying in Billy's old bedroom.

The fact that the program is a spectacular flop will not stop the intrepid heroes of the mayor's office. They will soldier on, giving away other people's money to crackheads and the people willing to house them. All five of them.

Indeed, they say that the money giveaway to house crackheads is in the "early days," and their undaunted courage will continue until they can't make money from grants anymore. No, they didn't say that. We just know that when there's no more money in it, they'll quit and move on to another NGO where they can get a slice of the government pie.

“Home sharing is among the most cost-effective affordable housing tools available, but it is not designed to be instant," Executive Director Candice Smith told Willamette Week. 

"On our platform, participants often spend three months or more getting to know one another before signing an agreement,” Smith told the weekly newspaper. They go slowly on purpose. Oh, so that's it.

The group's target audience is baby boomers who are on a fixed income but own their own homes. 

The HomeShare Oregon website will not divulge where the group's money comes from, but I'm pretty sure that since the City of Portland is touting it, we can probably make some assumptions. 

Just last weekend, Portland Police could not respond until way late to a call of a naked man who grabbed a child and tried to kidnap her from her parents. Portland vigilantes had to stop him. I wrote about it here: Saturday in the Park in Portland: Naked Man, Snatched Child, Angry Tourists — No Cops. 

So, Portland: As you consider your options on opening up your home to drug addicts, you will have no backup.

Nothing stops Portland from carrying out a bad idea. 

Even failure. 

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